32. Stop Asking How You Can Help Others

For years, leaders have been told to ask his or her people, “How can I help you?” I believe this is fundamentally flawed. The first, most glaring flaw is that we are sending a subtle message that the other person cannot get by without your help. Also, it can sound arrogant suggesting that you know more than the other person. There’s also an assumption that you know what they need and can provide that help. What if you can’t?

This is what can cause unhealthy and unnecessary dependency when every time a person gets stuck, they run to you. Ultimately, when you ask this question, it sets you up to collect action items only adding to the demand of your own job. Then we wonder why we have a line of people at our door!

The question on the next page can expand the person’s thinking and help them work through their problem. The other person may see that the help they need isn’t limited to you and it encourages them to seek out the best place for that support.

What help do you need?